So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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