next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize