Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
