someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
