Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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