Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
