I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
