I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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