there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
