I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
