I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize