i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
