Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
