Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
how drunk are you?
Several
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
