I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
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