There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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