awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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