ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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