WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
MIDGETS
????
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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