I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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