Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We had to coat check the pizza.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
