Just fell off a train. Bad.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
