are you still at the devil's house?
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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