I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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