Your dad touched me again.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
