She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
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