I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
