just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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