i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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