I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
