I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Randomize
