I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Found your dick twin last night
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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