this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
