If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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