im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
