Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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