Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
