God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
