is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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