Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
