I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
