they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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