girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Of course I have a pirate flag
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize