she looked like the before picture.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
