i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think your dad took our porno
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I have post one night stand depression
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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