I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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