my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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