Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
