...so i touched it.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
