I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
