yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
