i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
