I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize