I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
