This dress was meant to end up on your floor
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
