they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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