youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
