she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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