I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Randomize
