dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize