The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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