batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
