Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
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