Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
