I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
