I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
