This girl is more easily done than said...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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