Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
